(Originally posted on Twitter with the tag
#RelationshipRedFlagsIveIgnored)
"I have a small apartment, so please don't buy me any gifts that aren't food."
"My life's goal was to move to New York and eat out for every meal. I've accomplished that."
"I don't just dislike brunch. I hate brunch. People don't believe me and they think I will go to brunch with them. But I have NEVER gone to brunch."
"My friends don't hate you, they're just protective of me."
"I'm going to end up breaking your heart, and this is my way of explaining it in advance" (on why he put
Morphine's 'I'm Free Now' as the first song on a mix tape)
"People get really upset when I tell them I work for FOX News. It's just a job!"
"My ex didn't speak English, but we communicated on a deeper level."
"I'm not asking you to pay for ALL the food you eat out of my refrigerator - just the deli meats, because those are expensive."
"This isn't a necklace. It's an Electromagnetic Field Protector."
"You're the only girl who has ever been able to take my cock."
"I told you that I hate painted nails. You painted them just to insult me."
"My ex-wife doesn't let me see my son often, so don't tell anyone you met him."
"She's the smartest person I have ever met in my WHOLE LIFE." (on his ex-girlfriend)
"People don't realize what's involved in raising Guinea Pigs for show."
"I don't regret it. It was what I needed at the time. And some of the things they taught us were true." (on living in a cult commune)
"How can you not like
Sex in the City? It's like... about our life!"
"Who do you think is the hottest girl in
The House Bunny? I'll tell you why I ask later."
"I love you." (third date)... "I don't love you. It's my medication." (fourth date)
"Why won't you use my hula hoop? Jesus, get over yourself!"
"My mother once went to another store in a shopping mall and didn't tell me. Ever since then, I have had a fear of abandonment."
Him: "My parents gave me toys instead of love." Me: "So you'd gladly give up the toys?" Him: "No way! The toys were AWESOME!"
"When you meet my family, you're going to wonder how I turned out so normal."
"I don't watch porn. I think it's disrespectful to women."
"I'm in therapy because I'm addicted to porn."
"The porn I like... I can't tell you what it is, but it's not what most people are into. It's not... legal."
"My therapist is the most important person in my life."
"My pet peeve is liars. I hate how they try to change reality." (said by a pathological liar)
"I will never betray you."
